Thursday, February 13, 2014

The positive Intention of Negative Fighting


All behavior has booty it some intention and some purpose. Behavior is creative and strives to meet a need or find a want. However, the behavior seems like irrational and dysfunctional from the "normal" perspective. For instance, it's certainly not wise for self sabotage to be in some way helpful whether useful, but it will be. Self sabotage can protect about you from facing success which can be terribly frightening. I've worked with several college students who suffered with text anxiety. They knew the information cold in case it came time to look at test, they would lock in up, do poorly and get a C or worse by the test. In just far more than every case, after slightly discussion, it became clear that if they were to have an A on the test they feel the pressure to keep it up and by only net C's, that pressure had been eliminated. They sabotaged their success to avoid stress and pressure. There is a positive intention in that - it is very protective. Now, the problem was no longer text anxiety but rather the pressure and anxiousness of maintaining success, which was addressed.

Another common example is a common child who misbehaves in the home. In many cases the misbehavior is related to parental conflict. When the parents gathered fighting or in some form of conflict, the child misbehaves in an attempt to draw the attention from their conflict and to a baby. And, it often performs. If parents are squabbling specialized in something, when the family group misbehaves, the squabbling stops and it has to focus on the infant's behavior. There is an altogether positive intention in that they misbehavior! Even if family is not in conflict, a child's behavior is often a means of getting making an attempt. In a child's ingenuity, negative attention is often better than no attention at each of them. For a child, gaining parental attention is a positive intention. Or, take a situation in which an adolescent is involved in groups activity. The gang offers a feeling of belonging which the adolescent probably would not get at home. The motivation to fit in has behind it a very positive intention.

Emotional states such when depression and anxiety also offers at their basis a positive intention. Depression can keep about you from facing difficult challenges in everyday life. Although this is protection, it is also protection. A person with fragile ego may feel threatened by the chance of failure and rather than acknowledge that and continue to improve their confidence, they simply create a problem wherein they are not able to meet that challenge - they become depressed. A particular depression is protecting his / her sense of confidence. Granted, this is somewhat nonrational. But, the mind is really a funny place and furthermore "make a heaven of hell and then a hell of heaven. " The same is true for anxiety or anxiety attacks. The positive intention found in these emotional/behavioral experiences can in some way be highly protective.

Even some horrific behaviors for example rape or murder can be viewed as having a positive intention to their rear, although there is no argument that the behavior itself is depressing. These behaviors are usually an expression of crash and control. Rape is not far more than sex and murder most really doesn't have as its fancy the ending of your opponent's life. The goal in these cases, more often than un, is to experience a feeling of power and control which, in itself, is a positive intention because everybody needs to feel, to some degree, a sense of power and charge of our life. People who strive to play power and control through these types of behaviors are clearly maladjusted. But, it's hard to argue from the positive intention of seeking a feeling of power and control. The question is how can we best satisfy that intention, without harming others? Wars are fought to try and ensure security. Who would say that seeking security isn't any positive goal? Destroying "enemies" is about seeking safety. Who would say that safety isn't any positive objective? Suicide is an escape from intolerable annoying. Or, in some cases to get away from dishonor. Those are just not negative intentions. That course of action is so often no wise choice; yet, the underlying motivation is positive.

Despite the fact that so much of mine negative behaviors arise from underlying motivations which you'll find are reasonable and, in some cases, even noble, we too often focus on the behavior. We criticize and condemn behaviors without considering the needs from which those behaviors arise. This is not to suggest that we condone such behaviors. But, we could, and must also, place much more emphasis on correction than on punishment. For, one of the hallmark qualities of getting human is our capable to be corrected, to change, to change.... given the proper education and support. We can learn better ways to satisfy the intentions which give rise to our behaviors.

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